In the Exit Lane of Parenting

They say parenting never ends. I suppose that's true, but as one who's approaching the offramp, I can already tell the scenery's about to change.

My son is in college and my daughter is soon to follow. I'm still on the freeway, but I'm slowing down. The signal's flashing as I prepare to change lanes. Slower traffic keep right.

The phrase empty nest is misleading. It strikes me as minimizing, patronizing even, and doesn't hint at the bittersweet beauty of this time. Children aren't chicks who suddenly grow up and fly away, leaving their hapless mama birds behind. Their departure is slower and begins earlier, with each little step toward independence and self-knowledge.

It's more like the long goodbye.

Parenting teens is joyous and exciting. My kids have grown into fascinating people, and I've grown into myself as a mother and a woman. Asha-me and Mom-me now walk hand-in-hand, unlike during the early parenting years when it was more like hand-to-hand combat.

There's so much to talk about now. Movies to watch together without worrying if they're too scary. Off-color jokes to tell. Frank conversations about drugs and sex and money. Current events to discuss. Wisdom to impart (a joy of getting older is realizing you've gotten wiser).

My memories reignite as I ponder the similarities and differences between my kids' high school- and early college years and my own.

For sure, it's not all glowing sunsets and neatly-closed loops. Saying goodbye to my son on a college campus thousands of miles away was one of the hardest things I've ever done. My gaze catches on the curve of my daughter's cheekbone. I don’t want to look away.

The background noise of our family life grows fainter.

I listen more closely now, aware of the silences, alert to new rhythms.

Tick, tick, tick goes the signal as I make my way toward the exit.