To the Parents of College Graduates

Johnston Hall, University of Minnesota Twin Cities

My daughter — the youngest of my two kids — graduates from college this weekend. Such a major milestone for you, said the text from my sister in-law. I appreciated her thoughtful acknowledgement that this moment is big for both my daughter and me.

Delight, pride, wonder, awe; I hold these feelings like a fistful of candy-colored balloons, jostling in the breeze. A billowing joy.

But there, trailing just behind: the shadow of loss, faint enough I can almost ignore it.

Almost.

Do you see the shadow, too?

(Are we allowed to see it?)

We're pushed toward relentless cheer during this season. But as we celebrate our graduate, is there room for a private moment for grief?

Let us remind each other that we don't need permission.

On a shining day of promise, let us pause in the shadow. As our hearts swell, for just a few beats, let us allow them to ache.

Let us take our place in the line parents who've stood where we are, looking back with love and longing.

Let us feel the weight of our children's transformation, their growing up, and ours as well.

Let us welcome a future we can’t see and don't control. Let us turn toward the uncertainty that has been with us all along.

Let us witness the gorgeous immensity of this moment, its grief and beauty, its shadow and light.

Let us honor all we've carried so we can begin to let it go.